Purple February

Why February is now my PURPLE month...

When I think of February, shades of RED and PINK immediately come to mind. That may be the thought for most people. It’s the month of love, filled with heart-shaped chocolates, dozens of roses, romantic dinners, and sentimental cards.

Valentine’s Day in particular dominates the scene, celebrating love for significant others or even sharing love with family and friends. I’ve seen friends host Galantines that look like a mini sweet sixteen and even moms creating love baskets for children. Social media has flooded my timeline with moms curating the cutest baskets filled with candy, small toys, and heartfelt notes for their little ones. Too adorable, but I can’t help but give this idea some side-eye because, honestly, I don’t know if I can afford the level of investment in these baskets for every occasion. But I do wonder…would Aria appreciate it? Maybe. Maybe not. I’m still debating whether to jump on this love basket train.

For me, a reason why February has been a red month is because- obviously Valentine's day and I have cousins, an uncle and aunt that celebrate their birthdays this month. In addition to that, I got married on February 22nd. It wasn’t intentionally planned to be close to Valentine’s Day, but it did work out that way. Looking back, it definitely adds a little pressure for my husband and I, but my husband does know- Valentine celebrations cannot be combined with our anniversary so it’s definitely a lot of love celebrations set for the month. 

Life as I’ve known it has always been painted in shades of red during February. But in recent years, unexpectedly, shades of blue have crept into the month. February became the time when my ultimate love met my ultimate place of pain. The month of love and celebration turned into a month of deep sorrow when I lost my mom on February 18, 2023.

The blue that took over was so overwhelming that my husband and I almost forgot our second wedding anniversary while navigating through the hEaRtBrEaK on the 22nd of that year. It was the kind of blue that was so dark, it almost turned black. The darkest part was when I went from planning a baby shower to planning a funeral…literally swapping invites. I had to make the difficult decision to cancel my baby shower and exchange my thoughts of how to hang butterflies in a hall to the trying to book the release of doves at the burial site. In a matter of hours, my world flipped upside down.

Although exactly two years ago, it feels like just yesterday when the bLuE crept in, and today, I find myself standing at the intersection of love and pain once again. As I navigate my healing journey, I realize I have to be present and full of life, not just for myself but for my daughter, my husband, and my family. It feels as though would be inauthentic for me to fully submerge myself in the usual reds of this month, pretending that everything is perfectly okay.

In my healing, I’ve come to accept that I am somewhere in BeTwEeN.

The love

and the pain have

blended together.

And that’s why I now call February my month of PURPLE. If you’ve ever blended colors in an art class, you might remember that mixing red and blue gives you purple. It’s not fully red and not completely blue—it’s something in between. It’s beautiful and complex, just like the emotions I feel during this month.

But purple is more than just a mix of colors; it carries meaning. It symbolizes luxury, wisdom, spirituality, and creativity—all things that beautifully reflect my mother and all the things my husband and I strive for through our marriage. It’s no coincidence that the combination of blue and red can also give us the inspiration and confidence to push forward, to smile, and to trust that “everything gon' be alright.”

Purple allows me to honor the deep love I have for my mom, the love I continue to share with my husband, and the pain of the loss that I will always carry. It reminds me that I don’t have to be at the same level of excitement and glamor that others are experiencing during this time of year. I can embrace the blend of my experiences, even if it looks different from the norm.  

While writing this post, I learned that the February birthstone is the amethyst, which issssss…you guessed it, purple. This was mind-blowing for me because my birthday is in July, and the only birthstone color I’ve ever memorized is ruby red. How ironic is it that February, a month that has challenged me to find beauty in the blend of love and pain, is represented by purple? It’s as though February forced me to become a new person, to accept a new level of existence—fully with love and fully with hurt—and whatever beauty that creates, which right now I would like to call - shades of purple.  

So, I challenge you, my sweet readers, to think about where you really are this month. Maybe you don’t fit into the typical red and pink celebration of February, and that’s okay. Embrace the beauty in your blend, in your experiences, in your story—even if it’s different. Even if it’s a sHaDe of PURPLE...

Love,

Gesai