Do it together

Do It Together

I’ve been so happy to spend this holiday break at home with my family. It’s so different from the typical work hustle. Lately, something has felt especially wrenching as a working mom.

I find myself asking a question I didn’t fully anticipate before motherhood: How on earth do I sustain the workflow and quality of work I had before becoming a mom—while also being fully present for all the new milestones in my daughter’s life?

It’s only the 31st and while I don't go back to work on the 5th, I’m already starting to miss this time with her.

I want to be with her in the morning. I want to be with her in the evening. I want to be part of the fun and the difficult conversations and play—the moments where I teach her the right way, even with the “ok, mommy” and "ugghhs" that come with it.

But the truth is, I’m often exhausted once I get home. And more often than not, spending time with her means sacrificing something I want or need to do for myself. It feels like I’m constantly choosing one over the other.

Recently, a mentor shared a piece of advice that stuck with me:

“What would it look like to do it together?”

At first, it sounded nice—logical, even. But once I tried to plan for it, I felt discouraged. How could I possibly focus on my things while she was present, when she naturally wants to play together, talk together, be together?

Still, I decided to try.

I began by investing—intentionally—in creating small spaces that allowed us to coexist without competing for attention. I thought about what truly holds her interest and what I love enough to keep returning to.

Journaling & Art Side by Side

One of the first things I tried was purchasing an easel for her. She loves art—painting, coloring, creating.

I love journaling.

So now, I set her up with her easel and paints or colored pencils while I sit nearby with my journal. This is not my pre-mom version of journaling. There’s no quiet, candle-lit, uninterrupted calm. I pause often—to answer questions, validate her artwork, redirect cleanup, or remind her about organization.

But instead of stopping entirely, I integrate pieces of what brings me peace and joy. I am learning not to hit the brakes—instead I slow down, but I keep going.

Working Out Together

The second thing I’ve tried is exercising together.

I’ll put on my workout video, and sometimes she follows along. Other times, she creates her own moves and asks me to do them with her. Her version doesn’t always burn as many calories or make me break a sweat the way my workout videos do—but letting her lead part of the workout builds confidence, creativity, and connection.

We laugh. We move. We sweat—together. After a while she walks away and does her own thing, I learned to get chunks of movement here and there.

Reading, Together

Another thing I tried doing together is reading—with my husband and my daughter.

Before becoming a wife and a mom, I loved reading. It was one of my favorite ways to unwind, reflect, and escape. These days, it rarely feels like there’s time for it. Recently, my husband joined in, and we decided to make space for reading together. We even took a trip to Barnes & Noble—shocker, I know.

It wasn’t quiet or calm. My daughter ran through the aisles, pulled toys off shelves, and treated the store like her personal playground. But in between the movement and the redirecting, something shifted. We were there together. We were modeling curiosity. We were showing her that books matter—even if she isn’t sitting still yet.

It wasn’t the reading life I had before. But it felt like the beginning of a new one.

Wash Day, Together

The last thing we’ve started doing together is wash day. Not laundry, though—just our hair.

Her and I jump into the shower together and take turns—whose hair we’re washing first, whose we’re conditioning, whose we’re detangling. She doesn’t love washing her hair, but going through the process together—feeling the discomfort, turning it into something playful and experimental—makes it more bearable for both of us for the first 10 minutes. We are still working on the last 20, but baby steps.

Sometimes, I even let her “condition” or detangle my hair.

Painful for me—but all part of the experience.

The Lesson

Doing it together doesn’t mean doing it perfectly. It doesn’t mean efficiency. It doesn’t look like the life I had before. It also doesn’t mean that you’ll never do it alone.

From my experience, it has been messy and sometimes time-consuming.

But it does mean I’m no longer abandoning myself in order to show up for her—or distancing myself from her to reclaim pieces of me.

So here’s my challenge to you:

If you’re struggling to manage time with loved ones while trying to keep yourself whole, consider how you might do it together. Your person may not be a toddler, so hopefully some of the “together” things may be a bit easier—but consider how reconnecting with a loved one while completing something you need to get done for yourself can both refuel you and give you a sense of accomplishment in the little things this new year.

There’s an old saying my college professor used to repeat constantly: If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, take someone with you.

Right now, for 2026, I’m choosing far—and I’m taking my daughter with me.

Who’s going with you?

Love,

Gesai